I've known about the spoilers for a while now, and snapped up all the promo pics, but there is something about seeing unrequited Will/Rachel in living color that makes it so much more exciting.  Wheeeeee!  Also, starting now, NOTHING I IMAGINE (within reason) WILL EVER BE CONSIDERED OUT OF THE REALM OF POSSIBILITY FOR THIS SHOW, because every time I think I've gone one step too indulgent, IT HAPPENS.

Crying on the teacher's shoulder.  Artie/Tina.  Josh Groban guest-stars before I've even had a chance to think about which musical celebrity I'd like best.  Mr. Schue is somehow involved in his pregnant student's ultrasound appointment.   Rachel hugs him in a moment of exhilaration.  As of this week, he even breaks up Finn & Puck fighting.

But surely, surely, there is no chance they could ever find a way have Rachel in his house, right? 

WRONG.  THAT TOO. 

For fear of jinxing it, I am not even going to say what the rest of my ridiculous hopes and dreams are.  Just know that I am confident they will all happen at some point, and I will point them out as they come true.

Although I do fear this episode will put a wrench in any future mostly-platonic Will/Rachel fics that want to be canon-compliant...

Glee, 1x09, "Wheels"
So.  When I first read the synopsis, it sounded like it would be THE GREATEST THING EVER, but then the Artie spotlight got trampled all over by Kurt and Puck/Quinn, and it ended up being one of the three episodes I've felt confident deleting so far.  That said, I am determined to extract every last positive scrap from it that I can:

The Really Good Stuff
-Mr. Schue apologizing to Artie for the uncaring jackassery of his fellow glee club members.  I sort of want to keep the episode just for these 30 seconds of wonderfully sweet interaction.  Will should notice Artie more often. 



-Artie later speaking up for his hurt feelings, and calmly volleying back at Rachel, "You're irritating most of the time, but don't take that personally."  (on a related note: disappointed!Will, you may recall, is one of my favorites.  Any time the club gets a stern talking-to, I award the episode 5 bonus points based on my arbitrary scale)

-Will spending half the episode lurking at doorways, mostly to make sure Sue toed the line.  I am always happy when he goes into Protect The Students mode, and maybe melted a little at his warning "Be.  Nice." the moment Becky appeared.
...and then my brain drifted off into a bizarre AU where the daughter Terri is not actually having turned out to be a special needs child.  It was different.  And oddly intriguing.

-Finn & Puck fighting?  Totally part of my most promising fic idea.  Of corse, in my version they're fighting over Rachel (haha, that sounds so self-indulgent.  I promise there's a more legitimate, honor-defending reason), and it took place in the music room rather than the hallway, but Mr. Schue still broke it up.  Woo! 

Of course, now my fic is in tatters and it's even less likely to see the light of day, but I think it's worth it to have a better version play out on screen.  I am pleased to note that I was right; he yells at Puck ("He started it."  "I don't care!") and looks at Finn with much more understanding.

-I am pleased that Artie/Tina existed for one episode.  I am not pleased that it got less face time than Puck/Rachel, but that's because I have an Optimism Hat which believes it is much more likely that they'll revisit this someday.  It was just a fight!  They can move past this!  Meanwhile, I am focusing on the adorable nature of their mutual shy crushes, their one adorable puppy-love kiss, and an AU in which Tina either has no confession to make, or keeps her mouth shut and continues their wheelchair date. 

-"Well it's just like you, with your stutter.  You don't really notice it after a while."  Seriously, he is the sweetest person.  I am now 500% more convinced that Artie is the only student here that High School Me would have had a crush on. .

-Um, forget Sue.  Brittany walking arm-in-arm with Becky and buying her a cupcake was the most winsome thing I have ever seen.  It's possible she had ulterior, cheating-related motives, but on the other hand, she also once hung out at Kurt's and danced around in a leotard with him for no apparent reason.  She might wear a Cheerio uniform, but I've seen very little evidence of her being one in spirit.

-"Maybe one of these days, you'll find a way to create a teaching moment that doesn't involve ruining my life."  God, there are so many sparks flying between them at all times, I can almost see the air spontaneously combusting between them.



Like I could possibly be happy with one picture.


I should quote other things for my own benefit --
Mr. Schue: I know this is going to be hard on you, Rachel, but I can't in good conscience preach about the importance of helping Artie and then reject Kurt's request out of hand.
Rache: So you're giving him my part.

Rachel : This is totally unfair; you gave me that solo.
Mr. Schue: And I will give it to you again, if you can sing the song better than Kurt.

*pats Rachel*  Still totally his favorite after Finn.

The Other Good Stuff
-Oh, Quinn.  So much about her vicious diatribe in the bleachers tugs at my heartstrings. Even though absolutely nothing she says to Finn is fair, it's all coming from a place of mind-numbing fear, so I feel nothing but love and sympathy. 

-"Most of us?  Don't know how to bake?  I find?  Recipes confusing?"  BRITTANY IS SO MY NEW FAVORITE CHARACTER.  (I dunno, I think she knows how to bake..she certainly sounds like she is most of the time.)

-Finn: "Stop attacking me!"  Ah, there's the angry defense I love so much.  He's definitely earned the right to flare-up by this point. 

-Hilarious cheerleading tryouts! 

Neutral-ish Observations
-No Terri, again.  Boo.  But also no Emma!  Which cancels out the boo.

-$685 for a sonogram?!  Oi.  I knew nothing involving pregnancy was cheap, but...almost seven hundred for one?  Don't you have to get...more than one?   Is this even right?  You would think I would have found out something about the cost of things by now, what with all my obsessive research on the subject, but somehow it's never come up.  Although my two minutes of Googling just now think that estimate is a little high) 

-Oh, Will.  Don't tell them "we're having a bake sale" like it's a threat.  They'll end up baking with hate!

-Eh.  I was't that moved by Sue's scene with her sister, but I have to say that I would like her so much more as a character if she was like this all the time instead of a harsh, grating bitch.

-I didn't enjoy the Artie solo as much as I thought I would.  I haven't been moved by this show's music in a long time, actually.  I feel like if there's a pure Lea Michele version of "Defying Gravity,"* that might be fun, but I'm torn between listening to that and listening to Idina Menzel's version.  I can only love one singer per song; that's just how it works, so I'd rather keep myself in the dark about what this infamous song actually sounds like.

* = The sing-off was terrible.  I hate when they cut back and forth anyway, but that Kurt chick makes me want to light myself on fire, so I twitched my way through only half of it before giving up.

[Edit: OKAY.  So I found the Lea Michele solo version, and it is gorgeous.  That is, I was totally unmoved the first three listens, probably because I kept thinking about how bizarre the original Broadway context is, but as I gradually convinced myself this was just a song on a CD penned by a teenage singer-songwriter, I was able to connect much better.  Then I realized LM's version was only 2 minutes long.  $@*(&^$*&@4!  And I think, I really should go ahead and love Idina Menzel's version, because I like her voice too and it's the proper length, but Lea-as-Rachel is SO MAGICAL that I just...want this to be her song, always and exclusively.  SEE, NOW I'M FRUSTRATED.  I SHOULD NEVER HAVE LISTENED TO IT AT ALL.]

Blinding Hate
-I didn't know there were types of food messes worse than slushies.  Apparently there are.  And why can't boys and girls ever make cookies without throwing dough/ingredients all over each other?  This is the worst TV trope ever.

-I really intensely dislike Kurt.  Not as much as Puck, whom I loathe more than anyone on the entire show, but enough that I was consumed by a desire to punch his smirking face in when he said he was more popular than Rachel.  That is wrong on so many levels, not least because she is my favorite person on the entire show while he is in a distant 11th place among the 12 glee club members.

-In a show of impressive restraint, this will be the extent of my hate speech toward him.  *is done*  (for the week)

-You know, Puck, "not caring about school," lying, and drug use - not to discredit your earlier days of straight-up bullying, of course - is enough to prove to me that you are still a screw-up.  I am tired of this show's pathetic attempt to portray him as a deep and multi-layered character with growth potential, and annoyed by the fact that it's working on the viewing audience.  Stop being manipulated, fools!  My skin crawls every time he appears.

-Artie's line about having the full use of things was EXTREMELY UNNECESSARY.  Mainly because I, naturally, already Googled for answers on this sort of thing the minute I started shipping them.  I have links saved in a folder called "LEGITIMATE GLEE FIC RESEARCH.."

-Dear Future Me: I know it looks like there's a lot of, and possibly more good stuff than bad...but honestly, you do not remember how much fast-forwarding we did.  Really focus on your opening sentence; it's important.

Meanwhile, apparently episodes can be longer on cable?  So they're adding in extra material to the first 7 when they re-air them.  Which is cool, but my real question is: are you allowed to swear on basic cable? 

TNT seems like a safer channel, but I still can't remember if they use the S-word or not.  Hope not.  I must confess, unlike EVERYONE ELSE WHO WATCHES IT (apparently), one of my favorite things about this show was that it was gritty but they still had to conform to my Bible, the FCC standards, and thus my eyes could be delighted while my ears were protected from horrid words I do not encounter in my daily life.  If that protection gets taken away, I will be a lot less excited and possibly not bother watching. 

I mean, there's less bloodshed - I'm not even sure they have bloodshed - but it leaves me with the same spooky, creeped-out feeling.  Yes, I am spooked by wildly slamming doors and exploding lights, but mostly at the sight of a shadow puddle spilling ominously across the floor, moving like a less-visceral version of Lost's smoke monster.  *shivers*  Also it's dark when I watch this show, okay.

And I love them for bringing back what's-her-name, last seen as the blonde intern on ER, as a med student this week.  I love them less for having JLH writhe around a stripper pole, but I think the positive parts canceled that nonsense out.

In other words, my new love affair is clearly here to stay.  The mysterious "book" and the Shinies/Shadows mythology already fascinate me far more than the mytharc on The X-Files ever did.  Plus, the theme song?  I think if I had met the theme song earlier, I'd have felt more benevolent from the start.

Damn you for making me remember that Mike Franks has a daughter-in-law + granddaughter to take care of now.  An Iranian daughter-in-law, even, so that by furrowing my brow, blurring my eyes, and using a lot of willful disbelief, I twisted this into a Numb3rs scenario with Alan, Amita, and Hypothetical Curly-Haired Granddaughter.  Subversive RS is subversive.  Clearly, my scenario didn't exactly work in this context, at all, so I mainly played with it out of context whenever possible.  None of it had any effect on my deep dislike of Franks.

So instead I sat back and appreciated things like Gibbs holding a toddler, which will NEVER NOT BE ADORABLE, but is particularly so when she's his goddaughter. You know, my ovaries haven't exploded in a while.  I think we should give them a workout.  Ah, that's the ticket.


"Welcome to my home, Amira."

In other news, compared to the crack team of FBI agents on an extremely superior CBS crime drama...

Vance: still a jackass. (fixed-point fact)

Tony: still obnoxious; also showing resurgence of jackass side with regards to Ziva's citizenship.  It's like somewhere along the way, she stopped returning the banter with the same spirit, and so now it all just sounds like bullying from his end.  Unpleasant.

McGee: still bumbling (fixed-point fact)

Ducky & Jimmy: still boring (was Jimmy even in this ep?  Can't remember)

Ziva: less awesome than in seasons past, but still wonderful, particularly when bonding with another woman who's fled her homeland.

Abby: still awesome no matter what.  Staging interventions!  Delicately chainsawing boats into orderly pieces like an archaeological dig!

And: AHAHAHA, AGENT DOGGETT!  Wow, he has aged quickly and not too gracefully.  That is the end of my brief olive-branch into the world of shipping John/Monica, let me tell you.  Regardless, he should still feel free to act in anything and everything that requires a suit and tie and/or armed-forces connections.  He has very compelling eyes.
 

Why are we merging at 12?  No particular reason that I can see, other than not wanting Foa Foa to be down to 2 members by the time it happens, which you know they would be.  Which is a shame, because I'm actually kind of curious to know whether they would continue their strategy of voting out women first, or if Russell would realize he only had one dumbass girl left and zoom back to crybaby Jaison as his target, unless Mick looked at him cross-eyed first.

Anyway, I've been doing some thinking, watching Galu about to get splintered like timber[a], and realized that lately...if you're the super-losing tribe, as long as you make it to the merge,  you're actually in a good position.  Because the tribe that's up in numbers is so confident about being up in numbers that they don't stick together.  They have no problem sacrificing one of their own first, only the more the merged tribe integrates, the easier it is to flip people who feel they're on the bottom of the strong tribe, and would last longer by aligning with "the enemy."  It happens, over and over and over.

(Still, even the underdogs on Galu should consider the Pagonging strategy, because it works for them just as well as the underdogs: longer you stay, the better chance you have to change your position in the tribe.  And that way, you're guranteed a minimum of 8th place, instead of risking 9th-12th. )

But enough of my feeble strategy.  This episode was SO GREAT.  From Laura metaphorically stepping on Grossell's head (I have 90% of the power, troll!), to Monica not believing his crap at all,  to Rusell admitting that he didn't know what was going on, to Laura blowing everyone's mind and winning immunity...that was awesome!  From the moment she scored the point, and I saw Grossell's face explode with disbelief, I fell off the sofa laughing and never stopped. 

Time for more strategizing: specifically, by Natalie.  What?  She had to do something involving her own brainpower?  She did!  And it was spectacular, basically mobilizing one or two of the Galu Girls to vote for Erik, which led to a chain reaction that shaped up the final vote.  Which is why I was so apalled to hear Russell say, TO HER FACE, "I don't think you changed their minds.  I think you THINK you did."

OMGWTF?  That's like...Coach-speak, in his most misogynist hour.  Careful, Troll.  Did it hurt your ego to think she might have done something without you?  Or were you so scared of her potential to think independently that you had to convince yourself she didn't do anything, so that you wouldn't be forced to vote out your last "dumbass" ally in case she threatened your power?  God, what a troll.

But anyway, let's bring it around back to the very exciting point that ERIK GOT BLINDSIDED, which was incredible, because for just one week his ouster was actually more satisfying than Grossell's would have been.  Next week I'm back to gunning for the troll (who will probably win immunity just to spite me), but for this week, I could not take one more second of that blowhard's smug, arrogant attitude on my screen.  

First time I've actually been interested in an episode this season.  That took way too long.

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The Office, 6x08, "Double Date"

Here are lots of thoughts, in no particular order.  After having my heart stopped in my chest over Numb3rs, and realizing that this is the only show whose cancellation would hurt more, I'm feeling so grateful about the fact that Jim and Pam still exist for the forseeable future that I hardly have any room in my heart for hate towards the other characters.

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